I was staring at this photo, and I could not contain my objection on how "real" that confidence had been deceived by the choreography of the photographer, the effects of the lights, the cover up of the make up and the pretensions in my eyes.
If I have to reveal my real emotions at this very moment, you would not believe that I was really wanting to run, I was starving, and tired and shy. I was thinking "why on earth am i having this shoot?" But because this was not my first time to do it, I just somehow overcome that feeling of stiffness infront of the people who tries to make this shot perfect.
I remember when I was in highschool or even during my younger years, I never had a solo picture of myself. I have these insecurities that ruined the shot whenever I got captured in the camera. I just felt like when I do pose or someone is taking a picture of me alone and the rest are watching me, I felt like they are laughing at me and it felt stupid to be at the center of attention. And that's how I felt like running. I never had a confidence in me before.
It's just a big sigh of relief that overcoming the fear of the crowd is now over. I have successfully passed those years of being timid.
For some reasons, being a model from the photoshoots I have been through made me realize a lot of things. Like, conquering your fears, resolving confidence issues, and being who you are on and off cam. It really radiates on a picture no matter how you try to deceive. It goes with how you feel and how you really wanna look like.
I have done different concepts and I realize that the most comfortable feeling I am into is, wearing a smile and having the soft side of me and most especially, being the me in the simplest form as I really am!
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