Quarter Life Crisis

Sometimes, I make myself believe that age is just a number. But at times, as I grow a year older, I am having this fear that I might not satisfy myself of the things I have gone through or the fulfillment I suppose to have at this age.

I believe I have no much regrets in life. I am not an extraordinary girl, but a typical person who has, in one way or another tried to do the things I can, to the best of my abilities, or try to do beyond as much as I can.

Like most people, I may look always cheerful, but I do have downfalls too. I cry, stop, I fail. I am human, I am not bionic.

Life was simple back then. It was like as easy as doing-your-homework-before-bed-routine. But then again, no matter I try to make myself believe that the number that has added to my age is just nothing but a number, I could not defy the fear in me of thoughts of what ifs?

When I was younger, I have told my friends and myself that at the age of 25 or 26, I will be married. I even had that hilarious dream that I have been telling myself before that "when the time comes that I can go to Disneyland, that will be the time I am ready to die." Woohooo... So hello? I am now 26 and I had been to disneyland, so why not die nor marry yet? It feels like so yesterday. And I tried to make myself believe that it was just yesterday, but hey, reality check, it's been 26 years!!!

At times, especially when my birthday comes, I feel like I am having this quarter life crisis. Rushing of thoughts happen like, "oh I should marry somebody, or maybe anybody, or go somewhere else, find my future like at the very moment, I want things to happen right there and then when the adrenalin rush of not-so-real imaginations.

But the good thing is, I always caught myself waking up from a bad "daymare". And there I I remind myself that fate happens when the right time comes, and not when the age that you thought comes. Things just don't get done while sitting, people just don't get rich while sleeping, and most especially, people just don't achieve anything by just staring...

True enough, I have been so happy and fulfilled with all the things I have done in my life. I might not have reached the maximum level of happiness yet, but then I believe that achieving every little dream is countless, and to enumerate them is like a multiple times of thanking God how thankful you are.

I just realized that after all, it's not dying that we are most afraid of. It's indeed not living at all =)