Christmas 2011

I thought of writing something I ought to remember someday. yes. So today is my first Christmas away from home. Not actually my first Christmas away from my family but this is something different.

This is my first time to have only pizza for Noche Buena. First time not to talk to my family. My celphone got drained, plus th video call is not so clear. The voice is stuttering. I almost wanna cry. I just felt so sad.

But then again, I don't wanna cling to that doomed feeling so I just have to think of the happy thoughts instead. I saw my dog on skype. OMG! He's so big na! I wonder if he could still remember me. I just miss him so much. My closest friend stayed in our house and celebrated Christmas eve with my family.

So that's just my sister and my friend out there.

Sigh, tonight, I feel like I'm only living in a virtual world. My family, my friends, everyone is so out of reach. I don't know if I ever have to be seeing them for real. =(

 Wooohoo..I just can't help it. I was trying to hide my tears..But maybe, just once, I just wanna say that I miss them so much! Nevertheless, I just wanna thank God for all the blessings. For making it til the end of Simbang Gabi, and for my job, new people I've met, and new place where I am right now.

I am suppose to wait until midnight like I used to do. But, I just realized that maybe today is just another day to be thankful and be blessed. Anyway, Happy Birthday Jesus!

I know this is not much an interesting post. I just want to remember this day. Merry Christmas!!!

A letter to the one God prepared for me

I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me, if like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other. Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you.

I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions. Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known "love". I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person.... and since I have not found you yet, then maybe I do not really know what love is! You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps your smile, or your eyes would draw me to you, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways! I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes. I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me --- the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice.

After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect --- for YOU! I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey. But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here... patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love.

At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love. And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life --- and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you!

In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don't even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don't worry, don't be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me.

PS. I once told myself that if time comes that we will meet each other, I'm gonna punch or slap u and rant at you, and tell you, "How dare you make me wait for so long? What took you so long to find me? Then I'll hug you coz finally I found you. So if ever my heart says and love you back, please don't ask why, I don't know neither. Just do love me too. Will you?