What My Heart Says...

Sometimes, we have a lot to say but we just can't. We are afraid to share too much information that we just need to keep it to ourselves, leaving us wanting to burst out. I know I used to blog things out. Travel diaries, random ramblings and ranting about anything. Then I came to a point where living is much more important than writing. It was more like, goodbye blogsite, hello world!

Too many things happened to me after several years when I last write about a blog. I cannot even remember what was it about. I got a boyfriend, got engaged, and got married. I travelled many places and I did not write anything about them like I used to do. I told myself that I will only write when I am motivated to do so.

Today, I wanted to burst my heart into writing. This is not about anything. I have nothing in my mind.   I used to write when I am at the peak of my emotion. But honestly today, my mind is empty.

I just thought that my emotional quotient dropped down to zero that even the littlest thing I have to write because I can't bear not doing so.

Today, I just miss my family. I am upset of not going to make it to my sister's wedding and I am sad that I am not going to see them anytime soon. I know I am too blessed to rant and complain about my life. No, actually I am not complaining. I am just saying. You don't have to read this out because I am warning you, this is just another boring post.

Actually, I have bumped into someone who has so insecurities in her life. Someone who sees life in a very negative way. Complains about everything. I could not hear anything good about her. She rants about her pain and all that I could hear is that she feels she's the most doomed person in the world. I used to tell her that it's all on her mind but it didn't change a thing. Suddenly, it came to a point that I am so into her problems already. I actually am praying for her. I don't see anything wrong in her life. She has a complete family and many people love her. She has a good job and all that.

Then I came on thinking, why do people think this way?
I believe my life has never been perfect. I have been through so many insecurities in my life before. I thought I was not good enough. I thought I was not pretty enough and good for nothing. But then, the time I learned to love myself, I realized that there's so much about life to live for.

Life is not just about me. I learned a lot.
I learned to be happy for others' success.. Instead of comparing them to my failures.
I learned to listen to other people...Instead of just talking about myself.
I learned to love those people who feels unloved..instead of trying to seek for people to love me back.

I wanted to help her.
I wanted her to realize these things.
I wanted to comfort her, i just don't know how.
I wanted her to realize the things I had
I wanted her and other people who are in despair to know that we live not to focus on how we can outweigh other people. But instead, we live to lift other people up when they are down.

I wish
I pray
for people. to learn not just to love themselves, but for other people and LIFE.

Cambodia Trip with my Loves

I know it's long overdue to blog about this trip. I haven't been blogging for decades (that only means I lost a memory of the last time I made a travel blog). Today is holy friday, nothing to do. And... well I guess this is the best time to think about the good old days.

Okay, let's get it started. Before we reach to the oh-so-most awaited trip, I wanna brag about how many fights we had with my boyfriend about this. I was so excited, day dreaming about how sweet it could be to travel for the first time with the love of your life. But he was so skeptic about it. He refused. He said it was not on his budget list. blah. blah. blah. So maybe 1 million times of fights?

And guess what? I won! I booked for him a ticket and there's nothing he can do about it, but to pack his things up, drag himself to the airport and say bye-bye to a used-to-be firm NO of his decision.. yay!

And for your 411, he was the one who was the most excited for this trip. He took the greatest number of pictures. Like 1000000000000000 shots? haha

I just want to post random pictures we had, and of course with my siblings and friend, Janet.

at the tuktuk ride

At our hotel

The temples

On our third day, we found ourselves bored coz I have to admit that the place is just all about the temples.

And so

Goofing around with my brother

foot massage

biking around the city

painting hunting

chillin in the pool

By far, I should say that this place is the most benign place I have been. No huge buildings, no fancy cars and all, but I should say, the most memorable place and I guess you know why.

Having a Boyfriend

Ever since I said "yes" on having a boyfriend, it seemed like, the thing that I have been doing when I was single and carefree  had been shut down and turned into something else.

These days, I no longer hang out longer on shopping malls, and write up some blogs what my day was all about. It just turned out that I already have my everyday, or needless to say, every minute diary- my boyfriend.

Sometimes, I feel like this thing is something I want to do now. I have been through all those hanging outs and all-about-me-stuffs.

However, I realized that I will always have to come to a point that I will definitely miss those things that I used to do when I was single. But hey no, I am not saying that I want to go back to the single life, but I just thought that maybe I can still those things even if I do have someone right now.

Having a boyfriend is fun. You have a human diary whom you can narrate all your unrelenting stories of the day, someone to bully on, someone to make fun of, someone to fight with petty things and someone to dream with your future plans.

But hell no, having a boyfriend is not a perfect thing in the world. It's not all about the good times. There will always be times when you have to deal with each other's egoistic acts, petty quarrels that could turn out to huge fights. Yes, love... it hurts.

Apparently, life and love were never easy in the first place. We live, we fail, and stand up again. We love, we hurt, and eventually love again.

A Lot Like Love

I had so many posts about love before. Forbidden love, Abandoned love, Unrequitted Love and Love that never lasted. For the first time now, and it's been a while that I have been planning to write my heart out right now, but I just didn't find a time to do so, now I guess I will be writing love that is all about how exactly it made my heart melt for real.

I know that with all the grievances I had before, though I really didn't have a real boyfriend, I have written so much about love that I never knew how it is, not until I found someone who would knock me off my feet, and who made me say yes. No, not yet "I do", but who knows? (winks)

When I decided to let the whole world know that I have given my heart at last for the first time to a person I have never met, and barely knew, they all raised their brows with disbelief. I was bombarded with skepticism that I just wanted to raise my both hands up, and say, "okay, I did not commit a crime. I just did fall inlove. I don't know how, but it just did happen". 

It was tough. Long Distance relationships are just so close to impossible, they say. How could I really fall inlove with a complete stranger?

I know how hard it is. But can anybody explain how two people can be so happy despite and inspite of? I just found myself happy one day and waking up, scared to lose that happiness. And that I guess is enough to make me decide that I would not want waking up one day, losing this happiness I never had before.  

Okay, too much for those munchiness.. I know I am still struggling hard, though I know that I can never please everybody. I can never let everyone believe that love happens this way. 

When I was a younger, I always dreamed of having the most ideal love story I could imagine. That maybe I would meet him at m workplace, he could be my bestfriend, or someone that could bring magic when I see him. But never in my thoughts that he could be someone so distant that I could not touch, nor see with my naked eyes. And that's what make it more interesting, or okay for some people---sad. 

I believe that love just happened to me at the right time though. Never too early and never too late. I was thinking what if I just happened to have someone when I was younger?  Could it have worked? Or what if I could have it tomorrow? will it ever happen still? 

I know I still have a lot of things that I need to know about love. I have never been into it, and that maybe my expectations were too high that makes me stumble from time to time.

I just never thought that I could be like this before. I was never been into stuffs and surprises. I thought it was odd. But I realized that when two people fall inlove, they just suddenly forget the world. And that's magic.

Love knows no rules. When it happens, it happens! No exact time, no definite place. Now my fairytale imaginations just flew away and I never thought that reality could be so much better than those. I know it would never be easy. I may have pain through it, and still I am not perfectly sure that this will last forever, but still I am thankful that God has let me feel love for once, and hopefully until forever (cross-fingers).

=)

i Learned too!

Comes the Dawn/After a While

by Veronica A. Shoffstall, (C) 1971

After some time you learn the difference,

The subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. 

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning, 

And company doesn’t always mean security. 

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts, 

And presents aren’t promises. 

And you begin to accept your defeats,

With your head up and your eyes ahead, 

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. 

And you learn to build all your roads on today, 

Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans, 

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. 

After a while you learn, 

That even the sun burns if you get too much, 

And learn that it doesn’t matter how much you do care about, 

Some people simply don’t care at all.

And you accept that it doesn’t matter how good a person is, 

She will hurt you once in a while, 

And you need to forgive her for that.

You learn that talking can relieve emotional pain. 

You discover that it takes several years to build a relationship based on confidence, 

And just a few seconds to destroy it.

And that you can do something just in an instant,

And which you will regret for the rest of your life. 

You learn that the true friendships,

Continue to grow even from miles away.

And that what matters isn’t what you have in your life,

But who you have in your life.

And that good friends are the family,

Which allows us to choose.

You learn that we don’t have to switch our friends,

If we understand that friends can also change.

You realize that you are your best friend,

And that you can do do anything, or nothing,

And have good moments together.

You discover that the people who you most care about in your life,

Are taken from you so quickly,

So we must always leave the people who we care about with lovely words,

It may be the last time we see them.

You learn that the circunstances and the enviroment have influence upon us,

But we are responsible for ourselves.

You start to learn that you should not compare yourself with others,

But with the best you can be.

You discover that it takes a long time to become the person you wish to be,

And that the time is short.

You learn that it doesn’t matter where you have reached,

But where you are going to.

But if you don’t know where you are going to,

Anywhere will do.

You learn that either you control your acts,

Or they shall control you.

And that to be flexible doesn’t mean to be weak or not to have personality,

Because it doesn’t matter how delicate and fragile the situation is,

There are always two sides.

You learn that heroes are those who did what was necessary to be done,

Facing the consequences.

You learn that patience demands a lot of practice.

You discover that sometimes,

The person who you most expect to be kicked by when you fall,

Is one of the few who will help you to stand up.

You learn that maturity has more to do with the kinds of experiences you had

And what you have learned from them,

Than how many birthdays you have celebrated.

You learn that there are more from you parents inside you than you thought.

You learn that we shall never tell a child that dreams are silly,

Very few things are so humiliating,

And it would be a tragedy if she belived in it.

You learn that when you are angry,

You have the right to be angry,

But this doesn’t give you the right to be cruel.

You discover that only because someone doesn’t love you the way you would like her to,

It doesn’t mean that this person doesn’t love you the most she can,

Beacuse there are people who love us,

But just don’t know how to show or live that.

You learn that sometimes it isn’t enough being forgiven by someone,

Sometimes you have to learn how to forgive yourself.

You learn that with the same harshness you judge,

Some day you will be condemned. 

You learn that it doesn’t matter in how many pieces your heart has been broken,

The world doesn’t stop for you to fix it. 

You learn that time isn’t something you can turn back, 

Therefore you must plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, 

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. 

And you learn that you really can endure. 

You really are strong .

And you can go so farther than you thougt you could go. 

And that life really has a value. 

And you have value within the life. 

And that our gifts are betrayers, 

And make us lose 

The good we could conquer,

If it wasn’t for the fear of trying.

Oh my Singapore!

I felt ecstatic when I knew that I would be traveling out of the country again. Not because of the destination, (Singapore) but because it will be my first time to be with my whole family. We are complete! And yes, this will be the first time for it to happen.

It was not my first time though to go to Singapore. I had a stopover before but this is the only time that I could say that I would be there for a tour.

Whenever I go places, I always am curious about their culture. The way they are, their places and their food.

Okay, this was the food part! The street foods! Since Singapore is such an expensive place when it comes to cost of living, we tried to see what they have on streets. I honestly am not fond of spicy and oh so oily foods. And so we preferred burgers and fries than these.

Singapore though is an elegant city. I admire their infrastructures, and places, but what caught my attention that has fascinated me much was the one of a kind fashion of the asian girls all over. They dress up like everyday is a fashion show. I just can't imagine how they feel like walking on high heels all day , all night. While I was having a paralyzed-like leg after our 1 day walk. It was tiring!

  

But of course, Singapore could never be without the Universal Studios! I don't know why, but my inner goddess is always been wanting to be whirled around the roller coaster. It just fill so fulfilling after knowing that I have surpassed another ride that took my breath away for several seconds. And it makes me feel brave!

I have not much to say about the Singapore trip actually. I have traveled from different places and I know I only have a novel-like story when there's something different about the place or something that could make me feel so impressed. But there's no such in particular in this place. It just feel like Hongkong or maybe some other places. But I have to admit, that this trip is something special. And that is because I was with my whole family. And that is something worth remembering! =)

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.


Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as he did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life and
supremely happy wim Him forever in the next..




Amen..